Self-Doubt Is So Predictable

Where I Am: family room (where I usually am this time of evening)

What I'm Listening To: the parrot chattering in the next room


This isn't anything new. I know it's not. In fact, I've experienced varieties of this before. It's the Ever-Horrible Self-Doubt. Ungh.

You know the scenario, right? You stare at your manuscript and think, "Dear heavens, what was I thinking? What ever made me believe this was a good idea? Do I even know what I'm doing here? Geez..." This goes on for awhile until you drag yourself off to bed where a decent night's sleep restores your sense of humor about the whole thing.

Tonight, I am having a new round of doubts. My first draft is complete and I've begun the editing. If you'd asked me a few hours ago, I'd have told you it was coming along well and that I felt I had a pretty good handle on what needed to be done. That, however, was a few hours ago. Now, I'm not so sure. Worse still, I feel as if I may have, through my inexperience and questionable skill, led another writer astray. Logically, I know this is nonsense. My manuscript is on the right track, I'm not completely lacking in skill (though I am inexperienced), and I haven't led anyone anywhere.

The problem is, a manuscript that I have critiqued extensively has been turned down again, this time after a request for a partial. The agent liked the premise but felt the writing didn't draw her in. To this, I thought, "WHAT??? How? Why? Did we read the same book?" *SIGH*

Doggone it, I think this manuscript is good. Now, if this was the first agent who said he/she was not drawn into the story, I'd ignore it. But since this has been said several times now, I guess notice must be taken. Frankly, I feel guilty about it. I didn't think it was hard to get into. I enjoyed it. Does this mean that the manuscript is fine and simply hasn't found its home yet or does it mean I am woefully incompetent? Tonight, I am unsure of the answer.

I expect that a good night's sleep will be the cure for this crisis as it has been for the others. Tomorrow, it will likely look a lot better and, who knows? I may even have some exciting new insights or something. Stranger things have happened. But for the moment, I feel inept, inadequate, and a lot of other 'in' words that aren't good things to feel.