I need a brain snake.

Where I Am: In the dining room, supervising math homework

Listening To: Homework woes and funny things that happened at school today



I really do need a brain snake. I don't mean the sort of snake that hisses, eats mice, and occasionally sheds its skin. I mean one of those flexible metal coiled metal snakes that you use to clear out a blocked pipe. I need one of those for my brain.

I don't think I actually have writer's block. I know there are those who don't believe there is such a thing, in the first place. I don't know. If there is, I don't think that's my problem. I have a pretty detailed outline of my novel, honestly. I know what I need and want to write. I'm feeling pretty good about where I am in the story and where I'm going. I'm pleased about the length, I love my characters, and I'm just generally pretty happy with the whole thing. However, I seem totally unable to get anything written. I don't think it's a block so much as a clog. So, how do I get past that clog? To do that, I'm thinking I should probably know what caused the clog to form, yeah?

I wrote a blog entry a couple days ago about how I don't believe there is a magical formula that gives a writer the thick skin they need to face the criticism and rejection that is both inevitable and necessary. Yes, I said necessary. How else do we grow? I stand by what I said. I think one has to just keep putting oneself out there, take what comes, try to learn from it, and keep right on writing. The problem with my theory is that it is very easy to say and devilishly hard to do. I think this might be the source of my current clog.

The first draft of my first novel is nearing completion after a long, hard slog. My poor, long-suffering main character has had to try to fit herself into no fewer than four very different storylines. Poor Ellen. I've taken her and her best friends through a lot of things and I'm going to have to rough her up still more before there is resolution for her. I've worked on this story for such a long time, I'm having trouble getting my head around what it will be like when I actually finish. I'm going to have to edit. Eep! I'm both eager to begin and dreading what I might have to do. Then, even after I slog through the editing, I must face the query process. This is where that writer's version of stage fright rears its ugly head.

What does this have to do with me right now? Well, I tend to be a forward thinker. I like to look ahead and have a plan. So, I've looked ahead and, people, it's giving me a serious case of the gollywobbles. Should it? No, of course not. Am I wrong to worry? Eh, not really. You can't be rational about this sort of thing. It does make me think of a former employer and his all-time favorite advice about any difficult situation.

"Just show up."

I have to set the obsessing aside, show up, and write. I'm going to have to put my head down and forge ahead. I'm going to have to write blog posts (though that's really a pleasure), play with different prompts, and keep plugging away at my novel. I may have to throw out whole pages of text but I'm going to have to keep going. At some point, I'll write something that makes me proud. I have before and I will again. I'll work through the nerves eventually and when I do, the story will flow again.

In the meantime, I sure wish there really was a brain snake.